202006 - Leaving London Has Hit Me More Than I Thought
After fifteen years here, I’m moving north for love and leaving is hard.
Letter ID: LON-202006
Dear London,
I’m leaving the city and it hurts. It feels heavier than I thought it would.
I’ve lived here fifteen years. That’s nearly half my life. When I moved down from Burnley, I didn’t have some big plan — I just knew I didn’t fit where I grew up. It felt small. Closed-minded. Like if you didn’t think a certain way, you were already on the outside. London felt different straight away. Nobody cared who you were or where you were from. You could just exist.
That meant more to me than I realised at the time.
I loved how normal diversity felt here. Different accents on one bus ride. Different food on the same street. You didn’t have to explain yourself or apologise for being curious about the world. That alone made me feel freer than I ever had growing up.
I also met my girlfriend here. Six years ago at work. She’s from Newcastle. She always said London was temporary for her — just somewhere she needed to be for her career. I think I always hoped she’d change her mind. Or that we’d work it out somehow.
Last year she was straight with me. She wants to go home. She wants to start a family there. She doesn’t want to raise kids in London. And she’s going — with or without me.
That was a horrible conversation to sit through.
I didn’t feel angry. Just torn. Because I love her. And because, honestly, I’m tired too. London takes a lot from you. The rent alone feels like it’s constantly reminding you that you’re not quite winning. Newcastle makes sense on paper. Cheaper rent. A chance to buy somewhere one day. More money left over. A bit of breathing room.
She’s got a job lined up. I don’t.
That scares me more than I admit out loud.
I’m trying to be positive. If this move makes her happy, and if it gives us a proper shot at a family, then that matters. I want that life with her. I just didn’t expect it to mean saying goodbye to a city that quietly became home.
London gave me space to become myself. It showed me that the world is bigger than where you start. I worry about losing that feeling. I worry about going somewhere quieter and feeling like parts of me shrink again.
Maybe that won’t happen. Maybe I’m overthinking it.
All I know is I’m leaving with a heavy heart. I don’t know if I’ll come back. Sad times!
Tony
Occasionally we shape real stories into letters, so every voice is heard.
Source: Shaped from a real conversation/interview
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